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The Evil Gerald special report: “Enterprise to be “ready by Christmas, deffo” — Chief O’Brien.

Chief O’Brien broke the news to Captain Jean-Luc Picard by informing him that the transporter engines were “totally banjaxed”, but promised to begin work on them at 8am the following morning, as he was just about to “knock off” for the day.

A shocked Picard was told that the total cost would be ?5,000 “on the books”, although O’Brien hinted that speedier and more competent work could be carried out for ?3,000 if the usual tax and invoicing regulations were disregarded.

He also stressed that the general state of the engines was “something shocking” and that, in his professional opinion, persons unknown had previously made “a complete bags” of repairing them. Said O’Brien: “Just take a look at what some chancer’s done here to the transmodulator coils. That’s all gonna have to come out of course, you know that.”

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