(Untitled)

a mind-boggling tale of debauchery, supposedly regarding “Philip Murray, a glamorous wayward socialite son of the great classical scholar and Oxford don Gilbert Murray. In the final days of the Spanish Civil War, young Murray fils found himself in the beleaguered town of Valencia, then still under Republican rule. Murray had been on an extended binge and was reduced, in Delmer’s picturesque phrase, to a state of ‘phobic moodiness and mad romantic exaltation in which love, hunger for love, threw him into delusions and despair.”‘

Date: Wed, 12 Dec 2001 16:29:56 -0000
From: John Hurn (spam-protected)
To: (spam-protected)
Subject: re: ape sex

This looks like the one…

To: (spam-protected)
From: Rachel Carthy (spam-protected)
Subject: RE: AIDS, chimps, and Sasquatch

I’m sorry, I’ve been saving this up since the great orang-shagging debate of blessed memory because I didn’t want you all to think I was some kind of primate perv… but I can’t hold back any longer…:

“A more romantic example of bestiality is described by the celebrated war correspondent of the _Daily Express_, Sefton Delmer, in his vivid memoirs _Trail Sinister_. Here, Delmer recounts in a thinly disguised portrait the last amorous exploit of Philip Murray, a glamorous wayward socialite son of the great classical scholar and Oxford don Gilbert Murray. In the final days of the Spanish Civil War, young Murray _fils_ found himself in the beleaguered town of Valencia, then still under Republican rule. Murray had been on an extended binge and was reduced, in Delmer’s picturesque phrase, to a state of ‘phobic moodiness and mad romantic exaltation in which love, hunger for love, threw him into delusions and despair.’

“One evening, down in the squalid port area of Valencia, he met up at a street circus with a ferocious anarchist group calling themselves ‘The Iron Guard of Karl Marx’. During the show, Murray’s attention was drawn to a female chimpanzee – the circus’ top attraction – ‘a fine buxom she-ape with all the indications of her sex emphatically developed.’ [Why is it I hear this in the voice of the 'very, very drunk' raconteur from the Fast Show? R]

“Filled with misguided love, Murray tried to buy the creature, offering a huge rate on the black market. When the circus owner rejected his offer, the Iron Guard of KM intervened; they called the owner a miserable skulking capitalist – ‘You refuse to part with this ape who is obviously dying with passion for the British compagnero!’ – threatening to shoot him and burn down his circus if he did not agree.

“Delmer then recounts how Murray and the ape, arm in arm with the Iron Guard of KM, proceeded on an extended tour of the town’s bars and bodegas, during which the chimpanzee drank Fundador brandy glass for glass with her new admirer.

“Finally, when they reached the plush Victoria Hotel, – the grandest in town and the HQ of the foreign press corps – the night porter refused them entry with the pompous words ‘No apes allowed in the hotel.’ The leader of the Iron Guard of KM, brandishing a pistol, shouted ‘If you do not immediately permit the senora ape to enter the hotel with the Ingles, then we shall destroy the hotel and when we have finished there will be nothing left of the hotel or you.’

“Murray and his ape duly repaired to his room, where he was last seen turning on the bath-water, and heard saying, as he closed the door, ‘And now, my poppet, you shall have a lovely warm bath with plenty of lovely lavender soap. Do you like soap, oh Queen of my heart?’

“Nothing was seen or heard of them for another 48 hours. The hotel personnel did not enter the room, partly because Murray had locked the door, but also because they were afraid – not only of the ape but of her peculiar English friend.

“When a leading correspondent of the _Daily Mail_, William Forrest – who confirmed this story later to one of the authors – finally gained access to the room, he was greeted by a scene of unutterable chaos and squalor. The ape lay in a corner, huddled in a nest of pillows and blankets, coughing horribly. Philip Murray lay in another corner, flushed with a high temperature and obviously very ill.

“The British consul made arrangements for Murray, by this time almost delirious, to be evacuated to a British hospital ship, the Maine, lying off the coast at Alicante. But before this could take place, during his last moments of semi-lucidity, Murray – ever romantic – was able to despatch three cables to London – addressed to the three most eligible Society beauties, proposing marriage to each of them.

“Murray died in the ambulance before reaching Alicante. The next morning - Delmer records – three telegrams arrived for Murray at the Victoria Hotel. They were from the girls to whom he had proposed. Two accepted him.

“Delmer adds the foot note that a British doctor remarked afterwards that he had never seen a case of pneumonia like it, since this was a strain known only among apes, and he could not understand how a human had contracted it. Delmer and his colleagues kept faith with their dead companion and said nothing.”

(_The Dictionary of Disgusting Ideas_ Alan Williams & Maggie Noach, 1986)

Impeccable journalistic sources… ;)

Rachel

… ..- -… .-.. .. — .. -. .- .-.. — . … … .- –. .

(spam-protected) London, British Isles

“How come if someone tells you there are 1 billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you a paint job’s still wet you have to touch it to make sure?”

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