The Onion comes through

U.N. Orders Wonka To Submit To Chocolate Factory Inspections:

UNITED NATIONS — Responding to pressure from the international community, the U.N. ordered enigmatic candy maker William ‘Willy’ Wonka to submit to chocolate-factory inspections Monday. ‘For years, Wonka has hidden the ominous doings of his research and development facility from the outside world,’ U.N. Secretary General Kofi Annan said. ‘Given the reports of child disappearances, technological advances in glass-elevator transport, and Wonka-run Oompa-Loompa forced-labor camps, the time has come to put an end to three decades of secrecy in the Wonka Empire.’
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